Our vibrator buying guide for beginners: How to choose a sex toy

Unlike other popular vibrators, which you use on yourself, a remote control sex toy is one whose settings can be changed by someone else. It’s natural for individuals to feel apprehensive or shy about engaging in public play. Open communication and gradual exploration can help partners overcome inhibitions and discover new levels of intimacy. Start with small-scale activities, such as wearing a discreet vibrator on a low setting during a leisurely stroll. Alcohol may help ease initial nerves, but moderation is key to maintaining control and enjoyment. As is the case for many women , orgasming during sex ain’t easy for me, and I thought this revolutionary vibrator might have the potential to change that.

While it’s a similar size as many bullet vibrators, at 3.5 inches long, it also has the amped-up power of a wand. I love the sunshine yellow color and discreet charging case—you could almost mistake it for a pair of sunglasses in your bag. The design means that no matter which one you choose, insertion is made easy by the tapered shape and soft, sleek silicone.

“Some like to tap [external vibrators] back and forth on the glans, clitoral shaft, and labia,” Juliana Hauser, PhD, a Lexington, Kentucky-based marriage and family therapist, previously told Allure. You always want to buy a toy made with body-safe materials like stainless steel, silicone, and borosilicate glass. Silicone toys are the most popular but always remember to pair them with water-based lube to avoid breaking down the material. Few things are more disappointing than receiving a new sex toy only to discover that it doesn’t work for you. One way to reduce the odds of this happening is to buy a vibe that has at least 5 different intensity settings, so that (hopefully) even if some of them don’t work for you, others will. Some vibrators also have patterns, such as pulsing or wave-like vibrations, which can make the toy even more versatile.

Get intimate from afar with these app-controlled vibrators, suction toys, rings and more. You can read more about how we enlisted actual long-distance couples to test and review sex toys at the end of the guide. Panellists scored each sex toy on its ease of use, design, battery life and instructions, while also providing detailed feedback on its overall performance. Despite being most of the most powerful massagers on the list, it’s also one of the quietest—a major bonus for those with roomies, kids vibrator, or skittish pets. “It’s super intuitive and easy to use, as it has a tactile switch for modulating settings and an ergonomic handle,” Dr. O’Reilly adds. It can even be synced with the We-Vibe Connect app on your phone, so you can adjust the settings more easily or use it with a long-distance partner.

The vibe pattern between the shaft and the rabbit “ears” is just immense,” wrote one reviewer on the Lelo site. To experience a more realistic, tongue-mimicking experience, users highly recommend using it with a decent amount of lube or other body-safe gel. “For 20 years of my life I have never been able to achieve full orgasm … this toy has gotten me there every single time I use it,” a pleased customer wrote. Promising a “100 per cent orgasm rate”, our sex writer, Ebony Leigh, put the claim to the test and gave it her tick of approval in her full review.